Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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