Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
