shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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