I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
