We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
