I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
