We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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