Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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