he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Rumble strips road head = magical
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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