The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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