Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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