i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sorry my hands just texted you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
