I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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