Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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