well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
