So drunk its hurt
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
