haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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