He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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