We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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