There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
