Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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