well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
