Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize