Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
