Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
