I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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