Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize