So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
