He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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