Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
