Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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