Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
