Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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