It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
