Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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