everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
