You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
