the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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