ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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