My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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