Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
