In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
