i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
