I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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