It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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