it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
