so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
where am i from again
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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