The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
