also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
