Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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