So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
