ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
