Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
