I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
