Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
