I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
