oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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