It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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