found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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