Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
