Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Everything about him screamed your future.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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