Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
