its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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