I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
