yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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