last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
