she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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