i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
