If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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