I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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