omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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