I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
