The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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