If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
