i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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