weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
