One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
