***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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