we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
