Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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