I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My vagina is officially offended.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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